Opposite me in this Central Line carriage are a couple maybe Chinese maybe brother + sister, she has on little black leather ankle boots, black jeans + purple jacket. She is stylish. Next to her, he is scruffy but he has glasses on (I like specs). All of a sudden they go from staring into space to a sudden launch on the totally unsuspecting blonde bombshell mummy of two girls who disappear into thin air to be Alices in Wonderland. Never mind them. Chinese girly holds the spiral blonde hair of gorgeous mummy and slaps her pretty, pouty face. Chinese boy is undoing mummy's blue jeans and throwing them down the carriage.
"WOWEEE!!" says everyone then as Mummy's perfect legs and belly are released for all to see.
"Do please shut the door." Requests Mummy at Leyton station, where the breeze coming in is quite cold.
"Oh how can we concentrate anyway?" says Chinese girly (who I shall henceforth call 'China Girl' after the Bowie song) "That man sat next to Piglet has his Walkman on so loud. Let us torture him!"
Mummy meanwhile steps out of her jeans-round-the-ankles and tippy toes it down the carriage to see what else is on offer down that end. Hang on, let me look too. One boy sat quiet reading his magazine, one boy leaning forward speaking to his girlfriend in the seat opposite. But they are needed for blonde Mummy's satisfaction. Soon she is crouching on all fours, completement sans vetements. Quiet boy has his dick in her mouth and he has placed his magazine on her back so he can still read it. Boy with girlfriend is fucking Mummy from behind. Up the rear m'dear! Is the girlfriend jealous? Oh no, she slaps his backside.
Walkman man has been persuaded to remove the offending machine. Now China Girl and China Boy are tantalising his naked body with chopsticks. They empty Pot Noodle over him and a hungry student sat at the end of the carriage comes over and asks can he please eat it off as he is broke.
Keep still now O ex-Walkman man as the student slurps those salty noodles from your heaving chest. The human dinner plate is lying on the cold floor at people's feet + the student has to eat with his hands behind his back. It gets steamy in the carriage. China Boy takes off his glasses and cleans them. At Mile End things get very crowded which means more hunks and babes but less room. Up tight + close to the red pole he's holding onto the man in the grey coat who might be more dishy if he shaved is frotting the cold metal with all his might. Totally solo unselfconscious pleasure.
Waa-waa-waa-WAIT! What's that over there? A skinheady boy with sexy deep pink lips and a beautiful profile. I saw him first! I put my bag on my seat and I go + drag him violently over this way.
"I have to fuck you," I'm yelling, "You're so GORGEOUS!" I must strip him here and now. I kick everyone else out of the way. I have his trousers down. I am sucking his beautiful cock and trying to get my finger up his arse. I am so hungry for him. I look up and his face is so beautiful angelic eyes closing in ecstasy.
But no, I will not be selfish. I fold him up tight and put him in my bag to bring out for extra fun when I'm playing with Stephen. I hope Stephen will fancy him. If he doesn't then we can kick skinheady boy out into the street in Ealing after we've stolen all his money and clothes. Now what is that it has spectacles I can't tell the gender. Ooooh! It's looking back this way and smiling. As if it matters what gender it is.
Oh disaster, loads of people got on at Bank and I can't see him/her or her/him any more. I will wink at it when I get off provided it hasn't got off first. It has short hair and a leather jacket that I can still see in the gap between someone's arm and someone's back. The jacket is coming undone. He/she is being so cheeky revealing a little bit of flesh; I have to guess. It shows me a bit more. The t-shirt up a little and the trousers being undone. The exposed belly, a little curved but that could be either. Hitching those trousers down and shifting in the seat. I want to shift mine down as well and put my hand.. What?! A tiny wiggling thing poking from pubic hairs. His/her finger!! A joke. I'll never know.
You are a sly one, you want to make love to me and still not have me know which gender you are. Do you think I'm gonna let you? Yes, of course I am. What do you take me for, a tease? But your task, mysterious gender person, is to crawl through and between the legs of all the people between us. So get down on that floor!
You are being bumped like mad as the train rocks and kicked and trodden on. Also there are no toilets on tube trains and this girl who has her legs on either side of you now decides she needs to go and can't wait. Her light brown trousers darken as they dampen and a golden amber stream cascades down onto the back of your head.
I lost you when some folk got on at Tottenham Court Road. I think you got off to wash your hair in the fountain. Now a twentysomething girl looks disdainfully down at me. I am eye level with her crotch in its tight blue jeans. She is looking right into my face she is wondering what the hell I'm up to. Ah-ha! She is actually annoyed that my bag is just where she wanted to put her foot. Oh no, big-lipped skinheady boy has leapt out of my bag and taken her away!
Everyone else has stopped fornicating and has their clothes on. Suddenly I notice the annoying tourists. Suddenly I am worried about people reading over my shoulder. Oh, it must be coming up to my stop.